Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
