if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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