dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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