McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The struggles of a small town man whore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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