White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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