dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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