You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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