I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm really busy with my period
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