Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
