he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
