I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
