is your mom at the bar?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
