Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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