ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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