those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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