please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
