i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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