I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
