hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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