So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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