ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
