My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
