then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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