I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
