The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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