In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize