You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
