I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
