"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
