Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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