And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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