We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i think i have two assholes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
