I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
