Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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