Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sext me about skeletons
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
