Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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