Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
