so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
