Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
