remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
