He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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