Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just googled if crying burns calories
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
