my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
