you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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