we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
