my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
