Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
