Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
