I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
