I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
