What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
