Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sober January is a disaster.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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