absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
