dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
