On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
