I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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