Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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