Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
