Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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