You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
