The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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