she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
