the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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