i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
