just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
