dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
