I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
