ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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