Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I FOUND THE LEGS
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
