Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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