He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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