Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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