There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
