im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
