Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
