Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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