I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
